phone call distraction
Late night insomnia and it kind of feels a little bit like going crazy. Keeping blind and who could I be trying to full anyways?
A retreat into myself and I'm ready for that now any day. It started out with realizing that when Luke stole my runes and only chew up the one that meant loss along with the necklace from her... I really was losing something. I haven't gone towards the runes since then.. but they really do work.. I swear.. so maybe I'll take up learning them again and remembering the meaning.
I also have to remember that no matter how pretty princess cool and smart he is.. he can't completely have me... but then again.. maybe its just crazy jealousy.. but I just can't help it.. and that's when I start saying things like.. "just leave me completely alone..." and that'll be just fine for me. I have a thousand books on meditation and self discovery. Would it be so bad if I retreated into myself and read for days on end?
Not really.. not so bad at all...
The culture shock is gone but the terrible missing has taken its place. The realization that I am no longer there and I have no idea when I will be there again. How some days I wish I could just fall into Portuguese... tell secrets and play games. Make hidden observations and speak them out loud but have no one understand a single word except for my second party.
I can see the floor in my room now... now that is definite process.. day by day I move an inch. Move another space and I'll get there sooner or later.
Wednesday, Aug. 01, 2007
1:21 a.m.
1:21 a.m.