sandibeach
hmmmmm
hmmmmmm, hphmmmmmm
Noises that come from me and I'm stuck on Samba band on sunday?
and drifting?
I know what you are feeling, I've felt it too.... although, strangely, it hasn't scared me.
You are you and I am me.
Our lives so different yet our thoughts so similar.
I can feel it too. When we don't laugh so hard, or talk so loud. Stumble on words and I just want to hug you. Been away for so long, so I like to smell your hair.
But it doesn't worry me. Like fish adjusting to the new temperature in the water or a different, new fishbowl. That's how I see you and me, but not going anywhere. We're still here always.
I'll never stop calling you, asking about your day, rambling about mine.
It's quiet with us, but I don't mind. Just different.
I talk to everyone, to cloud my mind, push away my worries, escape into talking about clothes and things.
Then when I see you, I really just want to be quiet, sleep on a bed, listen to music and bob our heads.
What is there to say? I sometimes ask myself, I can feel your thoughts, just as you feel mine. So when we cloud our worries with superficial talk and what's new, of course it makes the ground seem uneaven and our movement unclear.
Talking is good when it is what's there, but if it's silence,
then it is.
The fishbowls keep changing and we're stll together. Meet new people and say new things, laugh hard with them, so what's wrong with us?
Inside we're not laughing hard, we're silent, still, scared, sad, lonely, worried and just want to be held. For now, it's silence, but that will change.
You are my favorite.
You are in my thoughts with the music I hear. When I pick up my pen and write down words.
Your in my thoughts when I look out at sunset and bob my head to kxci fridays. When I eat cheescake or attempt to drink milk, when I drive down roger and think of rain on the old tin where you lived.
When I wash the dishes, and feel warm in my bed.
You are body butter and rainbow colors from eigth grade. You are alien ant farm and laugh so hard you can only throw your head back and scream.
I think of you when I play sixteenth notes on my cello, picture your soft white bending fingers gluide so smoothly over the neck board.
You are henna tattoos and laughing fits in Border's. Where I can't help but think of you when I look at Mr. Roger's wrinkles in his forhead, remember that book?
You are on my mind for the whole of November and more.
You are moadonna bras and Dancing in my orange lit room from candals, just to feel and be.
I think of you, always.
And when I said I was jealous that night, it's beacause she gets to hear your laughs and your hands on her arms when you laugh so hard that you have to brace your self. She has you the way I had you, when we just became friends and couldn't stop laughing, that felt so good.
But I know, that this is now and we'll be forever. When my face squinches up and I know the next thing is tears I could fall in your arms. You are the best friend anyone could ever have and it's okay if we're silent, because we both feel the same way, we don't have to prove anything to eachother, we have eachother.
My water has been boiling lately, not from anger, just a constant buzz.....
you're someone i want in my life forever. I want you by my side at my wedding, I want you there to see my first child, I want your shoulder when my dad goes and I'll always give you mine. I want you to be there when I get off planes. I want to crawl through kitchen windows because we are close like that. I want to tell you about my new ideas and I want to hug your kids. I want to tell them stories and give them Christmas, birhtday, halloween,..... presents.
When I first met you, I said to myself, "This is a girl I. Want. To. Know."
I guess it was fate, because I didn't know I was going to make such a strong, loyal, fun, understanding friend.
I don't mind what is happening now, yes I do miss the other timnes, but again, this is just now and as long as we're always there for eachother we will last forever.
I love you.
10:06 p.m.