begin
On a night. Full of misdirrection and a day crammed full .I decided to type. Be real and confeess a long held secret.
Confession and secret are not the exact words I was fishing for but this thought has been held for a while.
Now, with no thoughts of the audience... and only me... I begin to chip at the surface, for some sort of uncovering and detail.
On a night, when I have a fever of 101 and I'm getting off of one of the most confronting highs after not smoking for 3 weeks.
My life and how I fit in it. I Me Ava. Where I fit. I hold the world on my back. Wanting to know every language, meet every person, have fun everywhere and do everything.
I believe I've finally driven myself crazy and I see myself turning into my parents more and more every day. People would say they are amazing people.
I know them, I know what's under it all and I feel like I'm becoming that under. Take on everything like my father and fret about it all like my mother. Wow what tasks I give myself.
Well, enough. Done. I can't TAKE it anymore. Crazy. Loco. Krazy with a K. And where do I go from here?
A place where I've already formed my constantly moving self.
When will I sit back and say... oh, it'll happen. Instead I fret about saying... "oh it will happen."
My mom's voice rings in my ear. Yelling, scolding, telling.
I stop working about what Brandon feels, Richard thinks, and my dad senses.
I would like to have me back please. Come back to me.
I'll just drop everything. Sleep and be care free.
Try to come back to me.
Tuesday, Oct. 26, 2004
8:08 p.m.
8:08 p.m.