I want to learn how to write
So what happens to me when they start making like crabs, pinching at the scales on me?
I like to do tricks in the water, turn flips.. I thought computer world wasn�t real, so I used it as a canvas to write about purple potatoes, telling my secret of how I would like to feel his tongue on mine... but you see, I have this problem. When I write, its almost impossible for me to lie. I�ve gotten in the habit of writing what�s at the tip of my mind. SEm boundaries. But I�ve trapped myself with this one.
I liked the way I wrote that email, I thought the color came out nice.. But the thing is, I sold it off too soon, now he tells me about ``R-rated�� dreams and how he wants to feel my soft curls. I liked the way it flowed in the beginning, but I guess he lost me when I went almost two months without talking to him, and when I met with him again, he still had the same feelings!!
Now, I don�t believe it. How is it that he can really be dreaming about me, thinking about me as much as he does. I don�t think so. He�s there, and he hasn�t even heard my voice in over 3 months! Yeha, there was that one night when I had a little too much wine and I thought I would give him a call. But I swam too much around him and I�ve dug myself a hole.
So, I did the following...
Wrote hime telling him that I�m far away and he can dream and all, but I�d rather not hear about it...then we can have a clean slate when I get home. I don�t know anymore.. Stupid boys.. I have to remember that boys aren�t the path and my life is what I make it.
Like I get all quirky inside thinking, ``oh.. am I only staying with my Lion because its what I�ve had and its safe?��Or, will I be missing anything with, well, I don�t want to mention his name.. I called him mustard once, caked on. No, I would know. If I really wnated caked on mustard, I would feel it and make it happen, but my thoughts on caked on mustard is that he smokes and drinks too much.. and maybe he�s just saying he thinks about me a lot because he�ll think I�ll like it... well.. he needs to learn other wise and I�m not in the mood for teaching. I just dont like chains, and I can see a big one screaming my way with him.
Okay.. as for family..
I like it a lot.. I like my host sister as a person.. she�s great, but, I hate that I feel like I�m in the way. I know, it could just be me, or a mirror image. So I do what I can to get comfy and I just don�t want to be left counting the days. She spends a lot of her time away, so I have a lot of freedom... but its just hard being in someone�s space all the time. I miss mine. My room, my music, my closet. But its okay.. I�ve gotten really adapted to it. But it doesn�t mean that I�m not goingto be kissing my bed when I get home.. But that�s the thing, I have to learn to kiss my bed here, kiss the closet that I share and put my music on either way.. WE share this space now, and I will not tip toe, the more awkward space I build inside of me, the more awkward tension gets reflected off of me.
So.. I feel a tricky situation coming on, how should I deal with this one?
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I watched Spirit today and started to cry even with the first scenes. A story of freedom and what it means to have it taken and if you will let it. People strive for power and to advance, even in the smallest ways. To grow, learn new things. But there is always something more.
I�ve seen crowds here that make humans resemble cock roaches. Full of drinks, dancing, and skittering around. Stay up all night, and its crazy how easily 7 thousand people can follow and do exactly the same thing. I wonder what Aliens think of us when they look at our scattered pockets that we make from above.
--Where the waves sound more and more like the rhythm of Earth�s lungs. And we scatter on the edges, taking up Earth all we can. It was sad watching Spirit. KNowing how the land was ripped from people who respected it. Where two beings were set free, but you knew the fate of their people in the end.Is there any such thing as a wild horse any more? Or even a Lakota who has a home for him rather than what was issued from the government.
A time where evrythingis knocked off balance and how can it be written about without boring the eyes and ears of everyone around you.
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7:05 p.m.