Drifted into a room full of girlfriends that weren�t mine, but I listened quietly to the converstaion anyway. Even though none of them really knew exactly how I can laugh and what i like to laugh about. I was alone. But its okay, I usually am. But I wanted my friend.
And you came. Whispering to me through their stereo speakers, telling me that even the best fall down sometimes, and that even though you are in your world and I�m in mine, we somehow always seem to collide. I got you girl. And I love you. I don�t have you or what you have but from this far away I know I still have your shoulder and you�ve got mine.
I hear waves every day, like the earth�s lungs. I try to breathe with them, but this new family loves to run. I�m a water mixed up with three airs,two earths and a fire. Blow me up, trample me down then burn up my scales a bit. Its sure does test my swimming abilities and its turning me into a strong whacking fish. The kind that squirms a bit more to get out of nets. But its all good, once I open my eyes and realize its okay to be me and have my way.
My favorite thing this week was riding in the boat listening to music that touched in every place. Looking off to paradise look alike islands and crystal clear water where you could see fish darting on the sandy bottom.
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I missed people this week. An immense missing and realization that the people I have made for me back home, are the perfect people for me. Here, I am in an aquarium. Where even if they all tell me my portuguese is perfect, its still paper thin for me. How do you talk about global warming, your dreams, and social analysis with the speach of a six year old? The imagination improves and it can be done, but not the way I like to paint.
A real time of solitude, even with the pepople around. Its fun being the secret, from a place and world no one has an idea about. But sometimes its lonely, when I just want to smile a certain way or make a silly noise and its labeled as a little crazy, and `�oh, that�s Ava��.
But, to say the least, I HAVE cracked up laughing 4 times with this family. In the best kind of way. Cooky. An explosion of extreme cackling where I�m the one left laughing in the end. I didn�t laugh much with my past family. They were sad, and depressed, and kind of weird where you couldn�t tell how they were feeling except for this drain of static. This family is action packed and on the move, with lots to do and the days fly with them. I love it with them, and there is never any guessing games of how they feel.
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I miss Brandon. So much that it cuts deep. I haven�t talked to him since the first. I was left running then, feeling his deep pull when I was just in the mood to coast on air. But I don�t want him gone from me yet. I swear he�s placing spells on me because I he�s on my mind everyday. --
School starts on thusday and I have little tiddeling things to do. I hope I can tlak to you soon. My phone cards make me want to cry every time I try to use them, so I have to go and search for a different kind.
I�m sending you kisses and hugs from all these miles away. I miss you and can�t wait to kiss you, hug you, love with you. smell you, just be with you.
Keep your head up, and you�ve always been a warrior in my eyes.