And it feels good, and reasuring to read it. I needed your words more than anything.

And I know it is learning and growing. But why does it have to hurt so much?!

No, it won�t happen to me. Then knocked down on my feet and starting over set 5 years back. I once laughed with him about how stripped I am of everything. I laugh when I don�t need it, and float, still, when I do.

Its hard, I don�t want to tell anyone how I feel. And finally when I�m speaking the truth it feels weird.
But good, now, to let it out with you.
Tears punch at me and push at my eyes, slowly leaking out.

But after reading your words, it feels like I�ve finally been given permission to cry.

I miss you.
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There are good days, bad days. Quiet days and loud. There are confusing days and days where everything fits just right. There are teeter-totter days between happy and sad.

But all I know is what you said. I can�t keep on going with this stretching myself through hot wires and computer screens to pinch up little bits of him. My mind was so practical just days ago... what happened to me.
I can really use my words right now.

This is my time, for me. To grow and be. Not to throw out words never heard and cling onto relationships I know I will always have. And I won�t want to look back, knowing that I spent my time never really there but clinging to his memory

I danced in my room last week.
Danced so hard hard I felt my soul scream. With Joy, happiness, and pride to be inside of me.

Its just hard sometimes, to keep on smiling, when I�m in a world where I�m bound to fall everyday, in order to grow.
To make mistake after mistake, before I get one thing right.
I�ve never walked in complete straight lines, or always said the right things. But I always knew what I needed for me.
Now, I sit and wait, and struggle to see. Where I live in a world where I don�t have complete control over every thing. And I only have the slightest idea of what�s going to happen tomorrow.
I don�t know what shirt is right, or when to speak out.
But like always, I have to remind myself that I�m not one of my projects for school. I can�t be so hard on myself. Taking one day at a time and that�s the only way I�ll learn to walk again. Its just that I�m trying to run while I�m still crawling. Looking too far ahead and wanting too much.

Putting rules and restrictions when all I need to do is live. Live in this new world and let it hold me.

And my decision is not to make a decision at all.

My life is on hold at home in Tucson, but it doesn�t mean that I can�t keep on living.
I�ll cry when I want, and practice my newest mastery of dusting off my pants for every time I fall.
I just need to walk a little bit slower... and today, I�m sure I�ll be smiling again.
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times over.

You don�t know how good it feels to have felt your words. Touched me right where I needed them.

So when my head feels a little uneven or my heart a little sore I�ll take out your words and feel them, remember the good things I still have in store.
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