time
It's like the past. Sitting here.. tapping on the board. Music streams from the speakers and it's been a while. A CD in the box. A smooth mixture of Omchar. Weird you would say. I thought I would give it a try. He's in town again. Always, he drips in from the Portland cold for a release and a high of a lifetime.
Like old days, I sat in his room the other night. The mic on and Omar scratching. Me on the piano keyboard and it all seemed to flow. Mix. Roll together in a style that seemed to cut out the past and add in a little new. Although, it was all so familiar. Charlie popped in, with a new look but still the same. It's strange.
No jumping hearts. No emotion in sweaty palms wanting to touch. Occasional glanses across tables of who knows what. And it was hard to relate. I've changed and the words with him used to come so easy. He just seems soiled now. If that makes sense. The visit wasn't bad. "Visit". And it's funny how, when he comes into town, I'm placed into the slot for a little bit of visiting time. Like an abandoned child. That's how it was when my heart bled and I longed more than anything to see him.
When Amber had to secretly mingle me in just to see him. I wish it didn't have to turn out this way. But I don't care anymore. He's fading. Rapidly. Last time he visited, my heart seemed to stop and old feelings of love sprung again. I held his hand in mine. Exchanged long hugs and loved how he felt next to me.
But at the same time I was on the verge of love with my big hearted lion. It's a situation that doesn't need anymore explanation. It's dieing. No more.
I'm in love. It's real. Clean. Wonderful. Happy. Warm. Everything, and I sometimes feel like the luckiest person alive to have what we have together.
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And it's funny, how just now I wrote their real names. Charlie. Omar. Charlie. Omar.
No more names for them. They've been played out. And I no longer care. Although... when his fingers slide across the keys of a piano. I stop, and remember. Us two. When we were. I'll always love those memories. I'll always be in love with those memories...
Wednesday, Dec. 29, 2004
10:30 p.m.
10:30 p.m.