This summer was bold. Granting new experiences..but it all seemed so natual. I started the summer with acid sizzling beneath my skin...

'Shot into another world and crazy dimension...or just a hard slap in the face from reality and what really lies beneath the skin when it's being sizzled by acid and flaming thoughts. -Sixteen years and summer vacation- vitamin C and I fall harderand weak within arms that are strong and I once thought to be mine....Looking up at the popcorn ceiling that waved back like water. The couches breathed and I thought I was going to scream from her constant questions... Realization and never coming to the end of a situation...Driving towards a new beginning, or maybe I'm living it."

"I want to be in the floating ground. But when I start to go I don't let myself because I want everyone to come with me. Although, they are trapped... therefore I'm trapped as well because I won't leave without them."

-

I lived through that amazed and my hands still shaking. I felt free... I felt like me.

I found myself spending more time with LeoBrands in June. Once my wisdom teeth came out I started realizing how he is to me... true, and full of love. I found myself in parks with him and watching movies and eating soup and ice-cream. We went to the store bought burritos and had fun.

Then I woke up one day, thinking how wonderful it would be to have him in between my legs...I grew excited with this idea, this new desire. I kissed him in June and allowed him to touch me, be close to me. He massaged my feet and sang me songs with his black acoustic guitar. "I was thinking of how you love me. I was thinking of how you would feel next to me. How you would feel in between my legs and I would cry out 'Brandon'. How your hands would do nothing but good for me."

- I sunbathed with Ciria in her Grandmother's pool and talked for hours about the goods and bads. Then I kissed Brandon one day and Charlie swarmed my mind. I poushed him out and thought, "let me please enjoy this New."

Summer school went smooth. I woke just befor 7 every day and found myself on a 45 minute bus ride crushing with Abe and a boy I used to call "Lucas-bighead". I felt like me again, but I still waited for the school days to be over... but also sad for the short lived moment of Abe and Lucas.

Thoughout the summer I was constantly confronted by my inner ego. Anger with myself at times and confidence was low. "To be comfortable in your own skin takes time and practice."

I smoked with neighborhood friends and tried to find a meaning to it all. Then one day I was up and gone. Night after making love to Brandon I found myself in a van with Capoeiristas headed for Berkeley. I felt pure and high again. The I should and always have been. I was running from the spirits that seemed to ask me silent questions and scratch at me for answers. I couldn't hear them... I was slightly afraid... so the dreams set in.

Berkely was sore... but uplifting. Empowering. Amazing.

The road trip was long and....for now I'll say thoughtful.